Crouch, touch, pause……tarmac my drive!

Above: An Irishman wanting to fight you for a pound after stealing the lead from your roof

Small of hands but big of heads – one of the most ancient and surely the most arrogant of teams in the 6 nations.

Who could blame them? They were 3 points off a triple crown last year, grand slam winners the year before, 2 of the regions have won 2 of the last 3 European cups, they have world class greats like Brian o Driscoll (below) and Paul o Connell.

Well bollocks to them.

I’d give my signed picture of Pete Devs willy stuck in that blood orange for a chance to punch Ronan O Gara in the face. He plays well for Munster and scores at will for Ireland against Wales but as soon as he plays for a team I could support i.e The Lions he plays like a cock or worse; Dan Parks on an off day.

For many of us drinkers (I don’t mean coke zero so that’s you out Roberts) and tourists (in the proper sense of the word) Ireland is one of the best places to go. We have all had great times in Kilkenny, limerick and Galway where Morgan pushed that girl over. Dublin, however is one of the worst. It takes itself so seriously it should become a black and white French language drama on BBC4. It is over rated and to be quite honest shit. A den of dullness dressed in pretend craic populated with Murphy O syphilis bars charging £400 for a pint of Guinness and £350 for a ‘traditional Irish’ (see English but without the beans which makes it shit) breakfast. We were there once on International day and couldn’t get into a club because they didn’t let gangs of boys in. it’s a rugby international day you thick twats not a fucking Justin Bieber concert! It so crap that when we were in Scotland a few weeks ago loads of French groups went to Edinburgh rather than to the Irish theme parked ripoffathon that is Dublin and their team were playing there!

Above: The youthful Irish team preparing to take on Scotland a fornight ago

Anyway back to the rugby. This is a team full of great players even though it has an average age of 103 but also village ones who the Irish love such as ‘Big’ Johnny Hayes who should be called ‘shit’ Johnny Hayes. They did not deserve to beat the Italians but ironically should have done the French. They have the ability to come good at the end of this tournament but will they deserve it? They have England at home which may be a grand slam decider for the visitors. However if the Irish beat Wales, which they may well do seeing that they have no fear of playing and winning away against them, then this could be the 6 nations decider.