World cup warm ups and all that

I have been away for a while and for that I am truly sorry – liots going on but none of it with rugby but with the kick off of the tri nations rugbyathon last week and some sort of action on selection here in Wales maybe we have some news to look at.

Southern Hemisphere
Last week the Ozzies redeemed themselves a little after being hauled over by Samoa by handing out a hiding to Lethal Weapon two baddies South Africa albeit the ones who:

1: wanted to play
2: selected to play by lievrementalesque coach de Villiers
3: Actually had a passport

The score says 39-20 but the reality is that South Africa were never really in it.

The All Blacks tumfed Fiji 60-14 with most commentators talking about how rusty the Kiwis were. It says a lot for a team that can win by that much while being rusty – Wales will come in their pants to beat them by 5 when being red hot come the World cup. While the score must have been disappointing, it also must have helped the former cannibals (not racist – fact) that they managed to keep all their players on the field since the last time they ran out they finished the game with 13 players, most of their team having lost it and started bending anybody within 5 metres of them.

This morning or evening or afternoon depending on where you are reading this, The All Blacks added more misery on the fun loving and laughter filled springbok supporters. 40-7 the score and Dan Carter the person who could turn water into wine and then walk on it has retaken the international points tally from Jonny Wilkinson. The list is as follows:
Dan Carter
Jonny Wilkinson
Neil Jenkins

Three great players but in a game of snog, shag, push off a cliff, it seems that Neil Jenkins’ face would be even more out of a place after a terrible fall……………..

Above: I am sorry Neil-make your way to the cliffs and i will be with you once i have shagged young Carter here

Hope

Above: Mike Tindall (left) and an exhausted English rugby team gather their thoughts after a particularly tough training session with talkative ball sack Martin Johnson

A lesson to us all from Mike Tindall that no matter how ugly you are – being a rugby boy will get you laid and being a famous one will get you married to royalty.

A great player, a great servant to the game, a double hard bastard and one ugly son of a bitch

flipping hell - what next namibia beat the Boks?

Shit sticks……..basking in the recent news that World cup group opponents were playing dismally in the recent games against Japan and Fiji, Welsh fans should be now re-shitting themselves after hearing the news that Samoa have beaten the number 2 team in the world Australia by 32 points to 23. Yes it was a mostly second string but the result is there and it was in the ozzie’s back yard – we would have taken it!

no - i would love to spend another £80 on a new rugby shirt - honestly!

England have decided to play their opening match of the World cup in black. What a complete loads of tossers – not the English rugby team but the powers that be who are determined to strangle even more money out of the rugby supporting community. What the fuck has black got to do with England? Why go to the all black hosted world cup and wear the same top as the hosts – its not going to make you play like them you idiots. Watching the English rugby team come on the pitch resplendent in white must be such an amazing feeling for any English rugby supporter, any English kid who isn’t a giant twat looks forward to the day when they can put on the white shirt of their country.

Above - Black...no not Colin Charvis but his bloody shirt

The WRU are of course worse and would actually put the Welsh team in English rugby replica tops if it meant getting more money out us. While I decry the English move to black for one game the Welsh team have ran out in virtually all the Dulex paint colour range in the past few years. These include Black, greyish black, some colour that looked like you had a shite washing machine that couldn’t do whites properly so came out gray, Yellow…..FUCKING YELLOW? They claim it was gold but it was fucking yellow. Wales’ colours are red unless at home when we are playing someone like the Canadians and therefore because rugby is a sport of gentlemen and manners the HOME team changes and therefore Wales runs out in green – that’s it - as black people say in the USA – end of.

Below: The 1990's - proof that those robbing fucks at the WRU will try anything to sell kitsas Nigel walker, Mikey Rayer and Ieuan Evans try on the new options.

What are the odds eh?

We are a few months out from the World cup. We still have to go through the summer warm ups where we have the idiotic situation where teams who may meet in the latter stages of the world cup actually play each other or we have the 58 gamed twice daily yawn fest that is the tri nations. I am not going into my much anticipated xenophobic World cup guide for a while yet so for something different I thought I would look at the odds for the forthcoming piss up….i mean rugby tournament. Although we have our own bookie on the other side of the pond - i was forced to look online because ours couldnt be arsed to go to a lot of time and effort for Morgan to put 50p on Shane Williams to score against Yemen at odds of 1-25.
Above: Everytime Ski mentioned Formula 1 in a day the College of the Bahamas gained $1 - they were very pleased with the result
Well of course the favourites to win are the same ones that were favourites in 1987, 1991, 1995, 1999, 2003 and 2007 and who are going to be favourites in 2015, 2019 and 2024 before the yellow peril that is the Chinese having vanquished all that comes before them turn their interest to something they have never done before such as rugby, civil rights and climate change. Yes the odds on favourites that is New Zealand whose odds are so brilliant that if you bet your house on them and they won you would probably get your house back with a tenner. However as you all remember from all those dates after 1987 – the All Blacks choked and therefore could do it again. Above: Mary and Samantha were in pieces after finding out how much they had raised after Ski's sponsored silence
So who else do we need to look at to win some spondulies, whose as soft as a flaccid penis after a solid 10 minutes sock abuse and whose as hard as that very sock a mere 24 hours later.

Well it seems the bookies go along with the rest of the worlds idea that the big southern hemisphere three will do well but odds are better for Australia with around 4-1. South Africa, the country made famous for being the baddies in Lethal weapon 2 and those stupid fucking horns that the kissball world loved in their world cup aren’t far behind them at around 6 or 7 to 1.

Argentina who surprised everybody last time out are surprisingly way down the pecking order (pecking – chickens – geddit – forget it) with odds ranging from 80-1 to 150-1 worse than all the six nations except Scotland and Italy.

Even though the English struggled/were tumfed by the Irish they are way favourites out of the northern hemisphere teams probably relating to some strength in depth and therefore competition for places. The bookies probably want to stay away from the French team who are not used to playing with each other as Lievremental has chosen the population of Marseilles to play for France over the past 4 years. Wheezing from the diets of gallois fags but boosted by the extreme fitness regimens of shrugging and burning things at ports the bookies don’t know which team will turn up but neither do the team or the French management. The English are around 10-1 which is worth a flutter and the French are at around 16-1 also worth forgoing a jar of pickled mussels and a pint of Babycham.

I have already mentioned incredible Hulk in waiting Andy Robinsons Scotland propping up the Celtic countries with odds of 150-200-1. Wales follows with a mere 40-60-1 I think they are the same odds as Andy Powell learning to sign his name with his favourite crayon. 40-1 is great considering half the team will be doing time for some almighty bank heist by then. Vanquishers of England with some style, Ireland are between 22 and 33-1 the bookies probably remembering that when it comes to world cups they are piss poor.
Below that it is pretty much the same sort of thing with Italy Samoa and Fiji being around 500-1000. Big news for all our American Lovechickens is that their odds are between 1000 and 2500 (these figures are odds not the amount of Mexicans who come through El Paso every hour). Countries like Russia, Georgia, Namibia and weirdly even Japan are down the 5000-1 mark. I don’t think I am being a twat when I say that 5000-1 for Russia to win the Rugby World Cup in New Zealand on their first time of asking, when a lot of their players are involved in the French second division or playing part time in Russia holding down their other jobs as drunks and hired thugs for English kissball team owning gazillionaires, is pretty shit – lets up their odds and see if Big Gav Henson cant find a Russian Nan somewhere, not that he knows where Russia is.

The mighty battle of Carmarthen

Its Monday so we need cheering up so I will tell you a rugby related story that could give you as much pleasure as it has me over the years.

I have a friend..lets call him…..Horgan Mart…ingenious because that’s not his real name, I just made that up.
Anyway this happened back in the annals of time. It was 1990 the start of Desert Storm, the non retarded Bush was in the White house, pointy faced destroyer of all, Maggie Thatcher was actually out out out replaced by John Major who won the pull a pig competition by having Edwina Currie and the music scene was starting to look a little promising.

A Canadian school had come over to play Fishguard secondary school at rugby. Its not called Secondary school anymore obviously because the Americans have much better names for schools and it is called Fishguard high school. What a complete load of shit – next they’ll want us to call crisps – chips and chips fries unless they beg to become part of the commonwealth again and we can sort out this stupid tipping business of theirs (oh your boss isn’t paying you enough? Please let me pay you extra for doing your job so your boss can get cheap labour). Anyway as Fishguard people were hosting the teams they all decided to get a bus and go on the piss to Carmarthen which is 40 miles away.

For anybody from outside the ancient kingdom of Dyfed, these names won’t mean much to you. Little explanation – Fishguard is a sleepy seaside town with a ferry that goes to Ireland. It’s now rough as fuck but still a good place on the beer – there are no jobs but middle class arty types from England still want to open art studios there. Carmarthen is hole populated with people who have mullets, shit teeth, stone washed skin tight jeans and shiny white trainers, prostitution was wiped out there during the 90s when the professional women had to move on to newer areas as the local screeching harridans had been giving it away for free.

Carmarthen people unused to outsiders and the sight of a bus (they called it the iron horse and to this day tell their kids about the time it came into town) were very angry that the Fishguard people and Canadians had come into town, drank their drinks and kissed their women. A mighty fight ensued involving all parties and by the end there were even cases of Canadians fighting Fishguard people.

It was a battle to awaken the Gods from their slumber but bit by bit fights turned to scuffles and scuffles turned to squaring up and bit by bit Fishguard people and Canadians got back on the bus. Horgan Mart breaks away from is battle royale and returns to the iron horse

Fishguard boy on bus: Horgan! How did you get on? I saw you getting stuck in.
Horgan Mart: Yes I hammered him – long haired twat was screaming by the end of it
Horgan sits down and the next one gets on the bus.
Fishguard boy on bus: How did you get on?
New boy on bus: fine but did you see Horgan beat up that girl……………….

i dont think i have anything to add to this

http://youtu.be/RvUIbqKyppY

its very quiet out there...............

Arrrgggh!!! There is nothing happening in northern hemisphere rugby.Not one of the Welsh team has gone out and showed his cock to a bunch of school girls or flown his plane, pissed and naked into the Houses of Parliament. Everytime I refresh the BBC rugby page it comes back with fuck all except that Dai Young is the new head man at Wasps so I may as well comment on that. I did hear on the radio that he reckons he is going to a better team – what an twattish thing to say! So what he is saying is that the team he is going to who has been coached by someone else is actually better than the team he has been coaching for the last 55 years. Dai Young was considered a good player who went straight into coaching at a top level. You can cut him some slack for that but no matter what he did at the Blues they did not get rid of him. I dont really have a problem with that.

Why? Well I don’t want to go down the football road when the manager of Huddersfield or Locomotive Llanberis gets sacked 4 games into the season because the fans and their Russian/Malaysian Killionaire backers cant believe that they haven’t beaten all 4 teams by 23 goals and are not in the champions European super extreme league with all the other gazillionaire chav rapists.

I know you should give a coach a bit of time but with a team that has some fantastic players with a pretty good squad you would have thought that the Blues as well as Ospreys would be near the semi finals of the European cup and Magners (whatever its called now) play offs every time. The fantastic winning of the Amlin Cup not so long ago against a great side like Toulon should be applauded and you have to feel sorry for them losing to Leicester on a drop goal off but still – they should have been better. Young has been touted as a future Welsh Coach – lets see how he does with an out of form Wasps in an uber competitive English premiership and then lets start talking him up.