Even though I write this on a Tuesday a full 2 and a bit days from the end of Caerleon pub golf 2006 I am still squinting through puffed up eyes and every so often getting sharp pains ala Ski throughout my body.
To say the day was a success was an understatement, to say that the competitors were in a giant mess can also jump in the box called ‘understatements’.
As I already stated in my previous blog the field was a strong one and it was a dead on statement – I can honestly say I haven’t been involved in a harder pub golf tournament before because there was nowhere to hide. The championees in the end were the Six foot Jap and London Welsh, both pushed the pace and made me want to phone my mam and tell her to travel the 110 miles to come and pick me up.
By the Red Lion it was all going a bit mental with the Jap and the Rooster spuing, the boys playing ‘killer French boules’ and swing ball and than London Welsh smacking the swing ball so hard at ‘The Agressor’ that he admitted he nearly cried for the first time since he was six (which incidentally I think is bollocks cos he must have seen a.) Watership down b.) forest gump or c.) Wales play in the early 1990’s).
The Golf was done at such a pace that it started at 1445hrs and finished just before 7. Newport itself decided that it wasn’t going to let us in to all its pubs. Many of you know Newport’s reputation for being rough as fuck and it is a reputation that it deserves and revels in so you can imagine how bad we really were when we stopped getting into four of its bloody pubs. 2 of us managed to get chucked out of Walkabout twice.
If it wasn’t for Jez Phillips we wouldn’t have known half of what had happened but then I know it was going to be bad when I had to tell Blue to ‘look soberer or we wont get into wetherspoons!!’ at quarter past seven in the evening.
This may be the last blog for a bit as the Rooster is going to visit the Lovechicken King from over the pond. Big Doug has called and I have responded – however looking at the weather it seems there is a big fuck off hurricane heading his way so it looks like me and the Ayatollah will be down to Tenby.
Remember you can still send me your postings and I will put them on – but none about kiss ball – it will not be tolerated!!!
PS The Kaahnt let us down good and proper – so disappointed
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
Friday, August 25, 2006
And they're under starters orders...............
On Saturday we see the start of the pub golf grand prix season 2006-2007. This inaugural competition will begin in the old Roman fortress and University town of Caerleon which is a few miles away from Wales’ newest city Newport.
While The Rooster is still unsure of competitors early information states that whilst there will be a strong Gwent influence, The chickens will be joined by a champion guzzler from Llanelli and of course there is also rumour abound that the Cock will be gracing us with his presence.
With the ‘Oval social hand grenade from over the bridge’ not attending I do feel that a podium finish is there for the taking.
I only wish that Tew, Pies and Thug were taking part. In the first ever pub golf – which incidentally was the full 18 holes, Tew ‘cooked’ our glorious co-founder and uber hermit Thug Roberts by 1830hrs.
I hasten to add that this was when Tew was in his pre-nancy boy stage and could drink a little. I mention this because Tew was next to join the ‘list of the shamed’ when after 14 holes had to be helped into is Car like a giant spacker while his missus and kid watched on.
Gold medal and top of the list goes to Saxon oil change monkey, Pies who was so hung over turning up to pub golf a few months ago, had to leave after 15 minutes not touching a drop and going home at quarter past twelve (yes in the afternoon).
Pub golf is not just about drinking but also about mental strength and determination. With this in mind I do expect the arrogant half French Canadian to be in jail rather than bed by 10 and ‘The Voice of division 3 rugby and golf’ to be home so early that he gets in a Delorean time machine car and actually asks Lyn to pick him up in the year 1993.
London Welsh will pull while I will have to follow ‘The cock’ around as he tells everybody he’s 27.
All chickens are welcome – Get involved!!!
While The Rooster is still unsure of competitors early information states that whilst there will be a strong Gwent influence, The chickens will be joined by a champion guzzler from Llanelli and of course there is also rumour abound that the Cock will be gracing us with his presence.
With the ‘Oval social hand grenade from over the bridge’ not attending I do feel that a podium finish is there for the taking.
I only wish that Tew, Pies and Thug were taking part. In the first ever pub golf – which incidentally was the full 18 holes, Tew ‘cooked’ our glorious co-founder and uber hermit Thug Roberts by 1830hrs.
I hasten to add that this was when Tew was in his pre-nancy boy stage and could drink a little. I mention this because Tew was next to join the ‘list of the shamed’ when after 14 holes had to be helped into is Car like a giant spacker while his missus and kid watched on.
Gold medal and top of the list goes to Saxon oil change monkey, Pies who was so hung over turning up to pub golf a few months ago, had to leave after 15 minutes not touching a drop and going home at quarter past twelve (yes in the afternoon).
Pub golf is not just about drinking but also about mental strength and determination. With this in mind I do expect the arrogant half French Canadian to be in jail rather than bed by 10 and ‘The Voice of division 3 rugby and golf’ to be home so early that he gets in a Delorean time machine car and actually asks Lyn to pick him up in the year 1993.
London Welsh will pull while I will have to follow ‘The cock’ around as he tells everybody he’s 27.
All chickens are welcome – Get involved!!!
Monday, August 21, 2006
My View of things by 'THE' Six Foot Jap
As everyone knows ‘THE’ Six Foot Jap is not one for the email world although recently, and because THE Jap now can be arsed and has sufficient time, he has come to realise how easy it is to absolutely abuse friends via text rather than verbally face to face. This has had a significantly positive affect to his health and good looks. Plus The Jap realised that it is only by email he can keep in contact with ‘lovechicken’ schmucks, such as ‘Cockney Wanker’ and ‘Banatine’.
So when he heard this blog was up and running he thought he would take some special time out to give my view on proceedings.
The Jap finds it awkward to write his thoughts down and even harder to show his true feelings of love and affection to fellow lovechickens. But if ‘THE’ Six Foot Japs life could be summed up in two sentences it would be something like this:-
“I’ve always followed my father’s advice: he told me, first to always keep my word and, second to never insult anybody unintentionally.”
So bare this in mind fellow lovechickens, if THE Six Foot Jap insults you… he fucking well intends to insult you.
The third thing my dad said was:-
“For me not to go around looking for trouble.”
The Jap chuckles to himself and knows... That’s like telling ‘Eric’ to stop eating bananas, or Ken Barlow leaving our TV screens, or Tony Blair to look after the UK and not Bushs’ ass. It will never happen. On that subject never before has any leader of OUR Nation spent so much time in other Countries, not since Richard the Lion-Heart (and the only good thing he did was give away Maid Marrion at her wedding).
So on that note, THE Jap will leave it open for suggestions of Blairs name. I would suggest though, ‘TONY THE COCK’ (NO messing), or as once written in a famous book at a service station on the M6 – ‘TONY BLAIR? WHO?’ But that is a story for another time.
Lastly, and not least, I hear the ‘Cockney Wanker’ has had a little ‘Cockney Wanker’, how fucking awful for that little soul. My condolences go to the little mite. Although at cockney age, THE Jap feels it was now or never. I would spend my entire fortune to watch the parents race on that kids sports day…..
Starter ‘On your marks……’
‘Get set………’
‘Go…………’
Cockney ‘Fark orfffff, your avin a farkin larffffff! Look away little ‘Cockney Wanker’, im gona shove his whistle right up his arris!’
THE Jap laughs to himself. He can picture it, as vivid as seeing his mam in the bath last week. Which reminds me If anyone would like a picture of ‘Sex Pests’ mam, or wants to know how good she is you can see her and friends at……….
www.LeaWalker,com
Enjoy fellow lovechickens, enjoy speak soon xxxxxxxxxxxxx
Sorry ‘Pest’.
So when he heard this blog was up and running he thought he would take some special time out to give my view on proceedings.
The Jap finds it awkward to write his thoughts down and even harder to show his true feelings of love and affection to fellow lovechickens. But if ‘THE’ Six Foot Japs life could be summed up in two sentences it would be something like this:-
“I’ve always followed my father’s advice: he told me, first to always keep my word and, second to never insult anybody unintentionally.”
So bare this in mind fellow lovechickens, if THE Six Foot Jap insults you… he fucking well intends to insult you.
The third thing my dad said was:-
“For me not to go around looking for trouble.”
The Jap chuckles to himself and knows... That’s like telling ‘Eric’ to stop eating bananas, or Ken Barlow leaving our TV screens, or Tony Blair to look after the UK and not Bushs’ ass. It will never happen. On that subject never before has any leader of OUR Nation spent so much time in other Countries, not since Richard the Lion-Heart (and the only good thing he did was give away Maid Marrion at her wedding).
So on that note, THE Jap will leave it open for suggestions of Blairs name. I would suggest though, ‘TONY THE COCK’ (NO messing), or as once written in a famous book at a service station on the M6 – ‘TONY BLAIR? WHO?’ But that is a story for another time.
Lastly, and not least, I hear the ‘Cockney Wanker’ has had a little ‘Cockney Wanker’, how fucking awful for that little soul. My condolences go to the little mite. Although at cockney age, THE Jap feels it was now or never. I would spend my entire fortune to watch the parents race on that kids sports day…..
Starter ‘On your marks……’
‘Get set………’
‘Go…………’
Cockney ‘Fark orfffff, your avin a farkin larffffff! Look away little ‘Cockney Wanker’, im gona shove his whistle right up his arris!’
THE Jap laughs to himself. He can picture it, as vivid as seeing his mam in the bath last week. Which reminds me If anyone would like a picture of ‘Sex Pests’ mam, or wants to know how good she is you can see her and friends at……….
www.LeaWalker,com
Enjoy fellow lovechickens, enjoy speak soon xxxxxxxxxxxxx
Sorry ‘Pest’.
Friday, August 18, 2006
Big Brother
Well as it’s the final tonight the Rooster thought he would make a comment. Many of us don’t give a flying fuck about a bunch of self obsessed, neurotic jade goody wannabees. However, on the flip side there are people out there who obsess about it and base their very lives around the 9 or 10 o’clock start time and organise eviction parties for their mates. Invariably these people are girls or people who are very gay.
In the middle there are people who I like to think are the majority of the Lovechickens, who consider it just a bloody programme but starts to dislike or like certain characters. The Rooster is one of these, sometimes I could ignore the programme as I would a request to ‘pop’ down to IKEA by the Ayatollah (the Missus) but on occasion Big Brother would induce such strength of feeling in me that I would be jumping up and down throwing obscenities at the screen with such gusto, not seen since Arthur Emyr attempted that drop goal against Australia when we were about 30 points down and it was only 4 points a try.
This Big Brother did exactly that. Firstly we had to deal with Shabaz who was gay, Scottish and of ethnic origin and who, because of being an utter cock has put back the cause of homosexuality, Scottish devolution and multiculturalism thirty years. We then had to put up with that nasty twat Grace who had nice legs but a face like a constipated Koala.
Highlights this year for the Rooster, as he is of a Welsh persuasion is that there has been a very Welsh feel to the whole thing. Imogen was, is and always will be a stunner while Glyn has shown that you can be counted as one of the most intelligent housemates and still be thick as fuck. However the Rooster is proud of him and while I am not sure the other Lovechickens will agree (the Yanks won’t give a shit), I am backing Glyn to win. I think the money is on annoying noise monkey Pete or that blonde bird who wants to be like Ali G.
More importantly this week is the continuation of the Tri-nations. Playing each other so many times in international rugby is ruining things. I will go into this some other time but surely it would be more exciting bringing in Argentina into the tri-nations rather than playing each other so many times. Anyway the Rooster is out in the Welsh capital this weekend drinking with our favourite half French-Canadian with no social skills, he may even phone the six foot Jap as well.
Regards
The Rooster
In the middle there are people who I like to think are the majority of the Lovechickens, who consider it just a bloody programme but starts to dislike or like certain characters. The Rooster is one of these, sometimes I could ignore the programme as I would a request to ‘pop’ down to IKEA by the Ayatollah (the Missus) but on occasion Big Brother would induce such strength of feeling in me that I would be jumping up and down throwing obscenities at the screen with such gusto, not seen since Arthur Emyr attempted that drop goal against Australia when we were about 30 points down and it was only 4 points a try.
This Big Brother did exactly that. Firstly we had to deal with Shabaz who was gay, Scottish and of ethnic origin and who, because of being an utter cock has put back the cause of homosexuality, Scottish devolution and multiculturalism thirty years. We then had to put up with that nasty twat Grace who had nice legs but a face like a constipated Koala.
Highlights this year for the Rooster, as he is of a Welsh persuasion is that there has been a very Welsh feel to the whole thing. Imogen was, is and always will be a stunner while Glyn has shown that you can be counted as one of the most intelligent housemates and still be thick as fuck. However the Rooster is proud of him and while I am not sure the other Lovechickens will agree (the Yanks won’t give a shit), I am backing Glyn to win. I think the money is on annoying noise monkey Pete or that blonde bird who wants to be like Ali G.
More importantly this week is the continuation of the Tri-nations. Playing each other so many times in international rugby is ruining things. I will go into this some other time but surely it would be more exciting bringing in Argentina into the tri-nations rather than playing each other so many times. Anyway the Rooster is out in the Welsh capital this weekend drinking with our favourite half French-Canadian with no social skills, he may even phone the six foot Jap as well.
Regards
The Rooster
Thursday, August 17, 2006
A level result night
There are certain nights of the year that rugby lads go out with the certainty that they will get kissed and maybe have a fumble with the opposite sex.
Briefly they are
New Years eve
Edinburgh for Scotland v Wales
Cardiff for Wales v Ireland or Scotland when you are Irish or Scottish or pretend to be Irish or Scottish
A level result night
These aren’t concrete findings and there are other dates. e.g For people who live in Swansea or Newcastle upon Tyne, even if you went outside for a shit you would still be able to pull because most (not all!) of the birds there are scrubbers. If you know any others please contact the Coop.
A-level result night is a great night and planned with gusto by many in the Chicken Coop. It has been suggested to the Head Rooster that if they are not lucky tonight some of the younger Love Chickens will head out next week for GCSE results night.
The Head Rooster says no!!!
Next week any shenanigans could end up with you being held in jail for underage stuff or even worse it could end up with you spent sitting on some park bench with your new 16 year old ‘missus'. You will be sat there holding her hair and her dangly ear rings back whilst she is spuing her guts up after necking 2 litres of Frosty Jacks £1.99p premium white cider. She will be crying because her best mates Pomade and Babycham are not staying on at sixth form but are going to be doing NVQ ‘chewing and being ignorant’ in the local college and leaving her behind.
No listen to the Chief Rooster. Get your tour pulling pants on for a home run out and concentrate on tonight. Have your wicked way in the blissful knowledge that she will be gone to Uni in a few weeks time so you can remain single and remember by the time she returns after her first term she will be fat and you can ignore her.
Gentlemen – prepare the tour pants
Briefly they are
New Years eve
Edinburgh for Scotland v Wales
Cardiff for Wales v Ireland or Scotland when you are Irish or Scottish or pretend to be Irish or Scottish
A level result night
These aren’t concrete findings and there are other dates. e.g For people who live in Swansea or Newcastle upon Tyne, even if you went outside for a shit you would still be able to pull because most (not all!) of the birds there are scrubbers. If you know any others please contact the Coop.
A-level result night is a great night and planned with gusto by many in the Chicken Coop. It has been suggested to the Head Rooster that if they are not lucky tonight some of the younger Love Chickens will head out next week for GCSE results night.
The Head Rooster says no!!!
Next week any shenanigans could end up with you being held in jail for underage stuff or even worse it could end up with you spent sitting on some park bench with your new 16 year old ‘missus'. You will be sat there holding her hair and her dangly ear rings back whilst she is spuing her guts up after necking 2 litres of Frosty Jacks £1.99p premium white cider. She will be crying because her best mates Pomade and Babycham are not staying on at sixth form but are going to be doing NVQ ‘chewing and being ignorant’ in the local college and leaving her behind.
No listen to the Chief Rooster. Get your tour pulling pants on for a home run out and concentrate on tonight. Have your wicked way in the blissful knowledge that she will be gone to Uni in a few weeks time so you can remain single and remember by the time she returns after her first term she will be fat and you can ignore her.
Gentlemen – prepare the tour pants
THE BEGINNING........
In the beginning there was the word and that word was, is and always will be 'RUGBY'.
A few of us set up the Love Chickens in 1999. It was a chance for like minded gentle folk to indulge in their favourite things; Girls, drinking and rugby.
A few years later and we have 80 members all over the world with hugely differing ages and backgrounds.
As one of the head chickens I thought that we may try and catch up with 21st century witchcraft and start our own Blog. So for the foreseeable future we will try and fill this blogs with intentions, anecdotes, character assassinations and personal view points. Many of us will contribute and we would love to know what the rugby supporting Fraternity think.
We are not politically correct and if anything upsets you on this blog - we suggest you bog off and read some politicians load of bollocks.
A few of us set up the Love Chickens in 1999. It was a chance for like minded gentle folk to indulge in their favourite things; Girls, drinking and rugby.
A few years later and we have 80 members all over the world with hugely differing ages and backgrounds.
As one of the head chickens I thought that we may try and catch up with 21st century witchcraft and start our own Blog. So for the foreseeable future we will try and fill this blogs with intentions, anecdotes, character assassinations and personal view points. Many of us will contribute and we would love to know what the rugby supporting Fraternity think.
We are not politically correct and if anything upsets you on this blog - we suggest you bog off and read some politicians load of bollocks.
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