its no wonder i am angry

Above: After securing a deal for £5 with KFC the WRU send out our brave boys against South Africa in their new shirts

The English made a great leap forward in becoming even more English last Saturday. Yes they wore black which my views upon have been noted but they took it even further – it wasn’t just black – it was black with pin stripes – I was expecting Johnny to come out with a monocle and a top hat. Yesterday I found out that the WRU having seen the negative press coming from England choosing to play in black have decided that Wales is to play in Black.

rugby is back - thank fuck

Yay rugby has returned!! Tomorrow we will see England v Wales and fuck it that Wales usually play crap in warm ups and get bummed – we can actually watch some glorious rugby. Spenny Dinosaur teeth contacted me early this morning and made this comment

‘just seen the team sheets for tomorrow – I thought you’d already played the Barbarians’
included because
a. its funny
b. topical
c. said by a true blue proud Englishman so I cant be accused of bias against the evil colonial robbing bastards

Yes the first thing you do notice is that the England team does seem to be more of a colonies XV then a merry old England one. We’ve all been at it in the past. We’ve had Irish players that have sounded more English than Boris Johnson and a plethora of the so called kilted kiwis and of course who can forget some of the Welsh players of the past whose only link to the country was that their granddad once stayed in a hotel in Bristol that showed the Welsh news. There are Argentineans who are Italian, Moroccans and Georgians who are French and lets not get into those robbing fuckers down under. What grips the shit a bit here is that out of all the rugby world it is the English that have the biggest playing base to pick from. Excellent age group rugby, excellent professional set up, a twat named Chris Ashton who made me lose fantasy rugby and they also have a strong league so why do they want to trawl the world. It seems a little embarrassing and it must piss off young, excellent home grown players who are left on the bench. Another thing that is shit is that these players aren’t from say Luxembourg or Mongolia where they will never perform the sport on the big stage they are from Samoa NZ and South Africa.
Above: I say you chaps, the first person to hit the target will play fly half on saturday against the sheep shaggers
Anyway that’s by the by – this is still a good English team with lots to offer. Jonny Wilkinson is so English just sitting in the same changing room could make any Johnny foreigner break into some impromptu Morris dancing whilst belittling other cultures for not understanding cricket or speaking English. All eyes are on Tuilagi and yes, the battle between both sets of centres will be awesome but Armitage has a lot to prove and Danny Care may not want to give up the number 9 jersey so easily this time. Stephen Jones gets the nod for his 101st cap. A good solid player who deserves the record of most capped Welshman, he has to get this back line going and Jamie Roberts has to repay the faith that has been placed in him by the Welsh supporters. Not Adam Jones and Not Gethin Jenkins are starting but they play a pretty hard English front row especially now that ‘daddy cocaine’, Matt Stevens is back.

Nothing can be taken from these warm ups at this stage – the one to look forward to is next week where the chess like tactics of the coaches should shine through.

So who is it going to be – I don’t know – just enjoy the rugby.

warm ups et al

Other than the RFU being in total disarray, black shirts and shreks twin brother marrying into royalty there hasn’t been much news from Half man half ogre Martin Johnson and his team. There have been lots of ‘what whats’ from the English based press that cannot believe that most people who like rugby think that England wearing black shirts is a shit idea – its not anti English its just a shit idea.

North of the border, Andy Robinson, the only international coach who is actually locked into the management team box on match day because of the predicted casualties amongst the crowd, has been reported that he ‘knows 25 of the 30 players who will make up his world cup squad’ I suppose he will have to have some sort of blind date with the other 5. It seems the SRU have also been through the mill recently with comings and sackings. Is there some sort of Arab summer of rugby unions going on?

Of course since the death of Franco in the 70’s the WRU is the closest thing we have to a totalitarian regime in Western Europe and seeing that they put themselves on a par with NATO, the EU, the Vatican and Macdonalds I don’t think there will be bloodletting any time soon. Good news is that none of the Welsh team have been found forging pound coins or hacking into the Pentagon so I must deduce that they are getting on with things like rugby.

Annoying wind up merchant Warren ‘the next team we play I will go on telly saying that they all fiddle with kids so that they get angry and play above themselves and beat us thus negating the need for stupid mind games’ Gatland is pleased with the way things are going. I have decided that I am going to believe him and try to stay positive. They have reacted the right way to Welsh fans anger and incredulity over the past 8 months and its time to judge him on results. I saw Gatland down Cardiff Bay a month ago – he looks like he has lost a lot of weight – its probably down to him shouting at his players not to shoplift from WHsmiths every time the team bus stops in a service station.

Ireland are so chuffed with their coach his tenure has been extended, which is a very Welsh way of doing things. Rewarding someone before they have done what they have meant to. The Irish have 4 very tough warm ups against England, Scotland and the French twice, with a lot of the team that won the Grand slam back in 1949 still involved lets hope they don’t run of steam.

Finally for this blog I have to give some news on the Cambodian rugby team as this morning two people from that country tuned in to this very blog to learn all about Mike Tindall. According to the IRB website they have website and a president whose name is Madame Tan Theany who sounds like some James Bond baddie. Cambodia’s rugby team lost their last match only a few weeks ago to arch rivals Lao but as nobody from that country bothered to read the website they can go fuck themselves – the Lovechickens are Cambodia all the way.