pint of piss anybody.....................

The Rooster is hanging out of his shitty arse. normal service will resume once i can feel my legs.

Great day and new members

Zuluuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

last post before match

(above - New Zealands John Twatt shows why he won the world Ricker licker championship last year in Sketty)


So its the day before the match. Lovechicken excitement is at fever pitch and we are witnessing definite last minute nerves. Obviously our beloved captain of the day – Big Will, isn’t nervous at all. This experienced behemoth of the rugby and drinking pitch is ready and we will be seeing his captains words after this blog. Although he has asked me to print this one rallying cry.

“Ida wanna win tmorow, youm better work otherwise wem gonna get pasted you fucking pricks.”

Fantastic – thanks Will, youm the best.


As some of us know we will be playing in 3 parts on Saturday. Big Will is the captain but the following has been named as Vice-Captains for the Three parts.

Part 1 – Pete Dev
Part 2 – Mitch
Part 3 – Rhys bach

Congratulations!!!

This is a short one but bois this isn’t just a game its a statement;

It’s a statement on how you live your life, it’s a statement on how much pride and determination you can muster and it is a statement of you.
While many of you play week in and week out for many others this is a chance to get on the pitch for the first time in ages, feel again the exhilaration of the contest.
Chickens, we live in a sanitised world of safety and warmth unable to plumb the depths of our angst and ire in order to break out of the norm and feel the passion of battle, of contact, of standing shoulder to shoulder with your friends and toe to toe with your enemies.
We must play 110%, isn’t it better that we have dared to live our lives than just to exist in a lethargy of regret.

Get amongst em yer bastards zuuuulllluuuuuuuuuuuuu

As for afterwards – tomorrow a squad of drinkers will come together like no other. There will be singing, drinking and shenanigans on an international scale. Hold the line and look after each other – there will be no spoiling tomorrow – everybody will be everybody’s wingman.

Roberts and Tew – I am going to cook you

News from the training ground - Thursday

Some of the competition on the pitch will be lightning hot (except for those first 10 minutes of course) but it’s off the pitch where the interest could be most intense.

Eyebrows
While it must be extremely hard carrying the equivalent of the Forest of Dean on your face, these two do it with style. Let me introduce Pete ‘The Meat’ Farrell and Alex ‘The Sod from Llandod’ Williams. The competition begins at one o clock where they will see how long they can balance Ski and Big Dave on their eyebrows.
Trivia: A Lovechicken once convinced his missus that they were called ‘eyebrowns’.

Willies
A bit of a four way competition. All four competitors have King dongs about the size of Baby Ben and the Rooster is very proud to know that all four are Welshmen, two from the north and two from the south. The cocks of the North are Champers ‘the python’ Thomas and the previously mentioned Pete ‘the meat’ Farrell. The contenders from the south are Richard ‘DICK’ Lloyd and London Welsh ‘ding dong’ Bell. About 8 years ago it would have been a done deal with LW the leader by a yard, literally a yard. Now after years of over use and trips to the clap clinic it has shrunk down to being just huge………..

Other news
Don’t tell Fat Mike but the only way we could get him to come on Saturday was to pretend that we were all going to watch a division 3 east match between Treherbert and Fleur de Lys.

Odds
Speaking of Fat Mike, the latest odds have come into the Chicken Coop about who is going home first on Saturday.

10-1 Morg – odds will be cut if he is on curfew but will grow if he does his favourite move of taking a 5 hour snooze mid sesh

10-1 Balsom - Last seen out wearing a T-shirt with ‘RELAX’ on. His lack of form may lead to his downfall. On the first pub golf was named Bertie Six-Thirty after the time of his departure

9-1 Nunny – all depends if the nursing staff at his home lets him out late

5-1 Fat Mike - Some great form recently but may revert to form. Doesn’t say a word just leaves you in the lurch.

4-1 Neil - lucky if he will turn up but if he starts on the chardonnay he will end up crying In a toilet and be home by seven. Just like in Scotland

2-1 Tew – the favourite for Saturday. Like Balsom, hasn’t been out for years (last seen out with stonewashed skin tight jeans, a white T-shirt and a suit jacket with the sleeves rolled up ala Chris Parry). His going home early antics are at an international level. Nothing can stop him, in Swansea, he once needed to get home so badly he paid a taxi £70 to take him to Ponty.


And on other side of the coin
1000-1 Champers – will only show clues of being slightly merry after 12 hours of heavy drinking – git
1200-1 Kitey – he will get home when Ferg tells him – see also Pete Farrell
1500-1 Fuzz - auto-pilot on this mentalist will ensure a late return no matter what the mess he is in
2500-1 London Welsh – he won’t get home


Got a few spies in the enemy camp last night – don’t know how the play but know for a fact that the fuckers cant sing

News from the training ground – Wednesday

News from the training ground – Wednesday

Someone will need to bring spare shorts. Euron Thomas the LC super Gog is our man from the north of Wales. As we all know North Wales is very much like Bedrock from the Flintstones and has only just started receiving BBC 2. It is with a heavy heart that I have found out that his shorts are made of woolly mammoth and are therefore banned under IRB regulations.

Below- Euron 'Champagne Ron Atkinson' Thomas off for a few jars in the Octogan in Bangor








All knowing king of jazz Neil, has actually deemed the day important enough for him to turn up. However this was only because his hockey game was called off. The young man who pretends to be a vegetarian to get off with women also contemplated not even turning up! A big day would not be the same without the stuffed pepper loving soil jockey.


First caps
While there will be quite a few new faces this weekend I am going to mention a few new caps. Legend of Fishguard, Mitch Mitchell who has been out on numerous occasions with the chickens will be an official Lovechicken this weekend. We will be looking to the old man for not only confidence on the pitch but his leadership on the piss.

Next up is nationalist choir Monkey, Darren P. He is tipped to be a professional singer who partnered the Fergatron, drinking and singing in Ukraine. Another social handgrenade in the mould of Fuzz and definitely one to watch.

Finally for this episode I introduce Earl the Titan. A great player and is one of the only people in the entire world who doesn’t drink that I actually trust (it will never happen with vegetarians). Whilst I would rather stick a poker down my japs eye than go out sober with a bunch of twats like us, Earl always enjoys it and is always there till the end – so watch and learn Tew!!!

Special Video Offer

Living with a bunch of cocks
Special behind the scene footage of the Lovechickens team as they prepare for the match against the money scrounging students.

Witness the extraordinary scenes of the captain Will eating urinal cubes after training. Watch a triple heart attack as Thug, Carlton and Gar San Francisco get to level one on the bleep test. Gasp in awe as you witness Taz walking around bollocko resembling King kong after an incomplete wax. See the additional 30 hour footage of Rhys Bach, Sex Pest and Chez in the bathroom preparing to go out on the piss.

Other important news
News just come in is that there are 2 elite Lovechicken drinking teams going out on the Friday before the big match. I hear that the 6ft Jap is captaining the ‘Newpuurt’ side whilst Ski Barr will be fronting the Cardiff side.
Double carnage……………………………………………………

The day to end all days by the Six Foot Jap

The historical day is nearly upon us, where lovechicks become lovechickens, and cold hearts become warm. United as a indestructible force, a rugby clan, with fire in our eyes and boots on our feet. Not a single phrase can be used to describe the growing feeling inside of each and every brood member. If it could be summed up it would have to be the speech from William Wallace. Take heed of this fellow chickens as it would stir the souls of friend and foe.

“Aye, fight and you may die, run and you'll live. At least a while.
And dying in your beds many years from now, would you be willing to
trade all the days from this day to that for one chance, just one
chance to come back here and tell our enemies that they may take
our lives, but they'll never take our free-range?!”

No other passage is more true. From this day forth only live for this match, hate the enemy, for they hate us. Prepare for the contest that rivals no other. Feel the anxiety and nervousness boiling inside and use it well. For this will be our day!

News from the training paddock

Good news on the squad (all 500 of them…), I have been informed that Big Jim and Carlton the Kaahnt are definates for Saturday. Bad news is that the cockney bastard has to leave through the day and the giant Turk will be coming straight off crime fighting and will be too knackered to play. I am not good at convincing people but I know that Kitey has an innate talent in mithering people to do what he wants – ask his missus and mam for proof. (I have witnessed the phenomenon at first hand its as amazing as watching Fuzz on the first night of tour….).

JJB sports has seen an increase in sales since the announcement of the Lovechickens game against the tax dodgers. Morg has told Dai fingers to get him a scrum cap, if the Morgatron is spending money then you know he is taking it seriously.

Todays short interview is with Coffin dodger Andy Nunn who will be the Lovechickens oldest player on Saturday.

Rooster: welcome to LC news Nunny, after narrowly missing out on playing at the Bath Spa sevens for the Chickens how does it feel to be finally getting the call

Nunny: Eh? Who are you?

Rooster: I am from LC news

Nunny: I don’t want any!

Rooster: No I have come to interview you

Nunny: But I don’t want a bath, I want to watch diagnosis murder

Rooster: Do you know that you are playing for the Lovechickens?

Nunny: I love beef more than chicken tell the nurses

Rooster: Sigh…thanks for your time Andy Nunn

Nunny: I’ve made another wet mistake in my pants, will you help me

Rooster: no


More news

As many of you know for the first 10 minutes of the match against the great unwashed we will be fielding some of the old boys (that’s in age not in a uni sense), many of who will be playing in their last matches ever. The average age of our backs will be 33, I don’t think the rest of the first half squad is that much younger. What I would love to know is how much older the combined age of the Uni team is compared to the combined age of Nunny and Mitch.


First rule of Saturday is that the LC’s will be required to where novelty or shit underwear. For many of us Fishguard Lovechickens the words ‘shit’ and ‘underwear’ conjures up memories of Thug Roberts and Morgatron Hart who broke the world record for forgetting their kit for their entire school lives. Memories of passing 2 cross country runners with towellette orange Y-fronts with turquoise Y’s will stay with us forever……..

Fact of the day
A Lovechicken has won the weakest link.

draws in rugby by London Welsh

It has been three days now, and I still have no emotional response to Saturday's game against Australia.
Throughout the years I have born witness to many types of displays and results. Brave Welsh performances in the face of adversity, classic routs of the oppo, games where we have snatched victory from the jaws of defeat (and vice versa on many occasions) and downright rapings. Each has had an emotional response because there was closure.

Whether the team who deserved to win actually won or not was irrelevant; the best team won because they had more points then the other. I'll refer to RWC 2003 where we outscored The Saxon 3 tries to 1. Did it matter? No. Jonny Papercut slotted multiple lefties and we lost. I was left aggrieved, upset, and when The Apeth lifted the cup I was left to wonder "what if..."

In kiss-ball, the draw is commonplace. For a game that increasingly disgusts by the week, I can let it go. After all, we are not Americans (sorry Doug et al) and do not need meaningless numbers of baskets, TD's or Homeruns only to be excited by the final seconds of a game in all of our major sports.

But Rugby? Please no, 30 men give their bodies, souls and lives for their club or, more importanly, pride and honour for their nation for 80 minutes and still they cannot be separated. Personally I feel that the phrase "the draw was a fair result" is a cop-out. It is a typical Dewi Morris/Stuart Barnes soundbyte typical of the fence sitting, (Welsh born) Saxon Fecks. I do not think there is a single player on the field at full time who would have said "yeah, i'll take that". Chris Latham gave one of the most impressive performances at 15 I have ever seen. He would have taken on all 15 of our guys on his own given the chance, and i'm sure that applies to the other Wallabies and Welshmen who gave their all on Saturday.

In my opinion, the international draw is unnacceptable, and should be irradicated from the game as soon as possible, including RWC pool games and Six/Tri nations. Let's take it to the school yard...next score wins!

City Road Crisis by The Generic Yeti

Once upon a time, it was so easy, we would go to the Tavistock, have several pints, and move onto Kiwis, having passed through a vital staging post, the “Tut n’ Shive”. Here, much 'Bo' would be consumed whilst the Chickens would wager princely sums on games of skill such at “Battleships”, “Cludo” and “Hangman”. Occasionally, we could play pool, and in the high times, sit in the Waltzer chairs, close your eyes, and pretend you were at the fair.

However, as anyone who has been listening to Real Radio will know, the Tut is now a trendy ‘place’ called “Poets Corner”, or, as they like to call it “PC’s”. Apparently, they have live music every Saturday, to stop us talking about rugby after the game and as a Greene King pub, serves the same shit IPA bitter that I was forced to drink for the seven years I lived in East Anglia.

Couple of interesting things about this whole set up.

1) Be careful about jumping into a Taxi, and asking to go to the “Poets Corner”. Until recently, Poets Corner was a pub in Grangetown. From the outside, the picture of Coleridge on the sign, and nice blinds, made me think it would be the most classy pub in Grangetown. However, having dressed up for a night on the town, me and the missus faced the widest array of Burburry and tattoos seen West of Newport. As the ‘News of the World’ say “We made our excuses and left”, the ultimate ventriloquist pub. The name may have changed, but the custom may not.

2) Greene King have a good record of wrecking pubs in Cardiff. You with long memories will remember happy drinks at the old, old Slug and Lettuce, which became the Glassworks. Who can forget Tew gagging on Pints of Piss during the 1999 Rugby World Cup Final. The Glassworks actually won awards for its ale from CAMRA, but never got to collect it, as by that time, it had become Copa, dedicated to the sale of Belgian Beer, and Vanilla flavored Kronenbourg at £5 a pint.

So what are the alternatives? I have not been into the newly re-opened Corner House. Apparently they do Jazz, so Neil will be the best person to fill us in on there. The Wetherspoon’s is still there, and it has cheep beer. However, there always seem to be lots of old men who want to fill you in on their time in Aden, through their pipe smoke, killing what little atmosphere there is. To top it all, no telly to catch the second game. Finally, we have the Roath Park, which is in the wrong direction, and we call it the flying chair, need I say more.

You know something, we need a Club House.