Time comes once in a while when THE Jap thinks to himself ‘you have to get a life!’ All I have heard over the past fortnight is, ‘I did this’ and ‘I did that’ and THE Jap has had enough of staying in. Wales are playing like Treherbert RFC (What division are they in Jew? As if we want to listen!) So the Welsh contingency of the brood can’t celebrate victories, so THE Jap has come up with excuses for an uber drinking session the same day that we play the French. We all can fit into one category.
After much salivation, masturbation, deliberation, and then more masturbation THE Jap came down to three reasons to get pissed in Cardiff on the 24th February 2007. Bare with me chickens this is a bit abstract but all true.
On our first attempt to lace our boots (15 aside level) at the hallowed ground that is UWN rugby field, THE Jap learnt one valid lesson! And it wasn’t about drinking piss, if you were thinking that! THE Jap has drunk piss for many years now, it’s a step down from eating pineapple urinal cube, but hey we all slum it now and again. All you chickens who have visited Kiwi’s know that.
No brood, the valid lesson that THE Jap had was in the realms of ‘Nature’. A lengthy conversation with fellow bald teacher FUZZ, lead to the longest hunt in recorded history for what seemed to be the most ridiculous fact ever made.
“The most vicious animal on the African continent is THE HONEY BADGER!”
As you can understand this caused a few laughs, but the once Ginger, now bald chicken stuck to his guns (and rightly so!). With disbelieve the hunt for the Honey Badger was on, and after much googling and painstaking sweat THE Jap finally found what he was looking for at:-
http://www.honeybadger.com/
Check it out! This leads to THE JAPS first reason for drunkenness
‘THE LIFE OF A HONEY BADGER!’
(Put it on a T-shirt fellow love chickens).
My second excuse is a bit closer to my heart than the other two. On the 24th February 1975, Mr Alun Roy Williams put his wanger into Mrs. Jillian Anne Williams and thrust for 2minutes 56 seconds in the vestibule at St Mary’s church Pontypool. Thus creating THE ‘truly holy’ JAP!
So putting it bluntly the 24th February 2007 is a day to be celebrated as:-
‘THE 6FT JAPS 32nd CONCEPTION DAY’
(Don’t put it on a Tshirt!)
THE Japs final reason for drunkenness on international day is one not to be taken lightly! Having read many email from chickens World wide over the past 2 weeks, none made me laugh as much as the boasting and bragging of London Welsh, otherwise known as ribs’n’dick! An email sent on the Wednesday, 07 Feb 2007 at 01:27:38, in reply to a needy brood member who needed rugby tickets, stated;
”Mate I should be able to from the concierge at Tower 42. He's a man who knows how to get things... Chez”
Now THE Jap has told a porky or two in his life, and boasted about friends in high places, but this takes the biscuit, London Welsh or is it MR. BIG? He’s only been in Saxon land for 2 minutes, (56 seconds less than our dad was in our mam) and the Banantyne wannabe thinks he’s a walk in on Hotel Babylon!
Which leads to my final reason for going out and celebrating, if London Welsh is true to his word then after my short email to him, the concierge at Tower 42, should have acquired THE Jap, King Arthurs Excalibur and a 1998 Buzz Lightyear original (in the box)! If not THE Jap is personally going to ask Big Doug to fetch the branding iron next time he’s over and stamp the fluer-de-lys on London Welsh’s extremities!
‘I WILL HAVE MY EXCALIBUR PLEASE CHEZ!’
(Tattoo it on your ass fellow chickens)
So fellow lovechickens choose religion, choose a TV, and choose an egg sandwich if you like. But find a reason to drink for the France v Wales game because THE Jap is out in Cardiff and wants some friends!!! (This is a desperate plea!)
No comments:
Post a Comment