news just in

2 English coaches have been knuckle wrapped today. God like boretron Jonny Wilkinson was missing his kicks against rugby giants Romania and decided that it was not his legs fault but the balls. In light of this the RFU have put in a request for the Scotland match. They are as followed

In case England do not score any points the Scotland team have been told that they are only allowed to select one of two people chosen in advance by Prince Harry. One is Macdonald Murdock wee Jock McPlop plop a 63 year old alcoholic from Glasgow or Dan Parks.

Mr Parks or Mr McPlop plop, whoever is selected, will only be allowed to play in white daps and mittens and will only be allowed to touch the ball twice before having to pass it back to Johnnos team for their turn.

In case England can’t get their kicks they have requested to change the size of the posts – they will now stretch the width of the pitch and the bar will be lowered to 3 foot. If Jonny doesn’t get it over he is allowed another 15 attempts and if after this amount he still hasn’t scored he will then be awarded 1 point for being an ace misser.

If Mr Parks and Mr McPlop plop are good at scrummaging the referee, Mr Lawrence Dallaglio will then move to passive scrums and will penalise the Scot for feeding.

The English team to be awarded points for coming on the pitch ala fantasy rugby.

The English team to be awarded the World cup on Friday just in case one of the other teams score more points than them in a game in the future