Spaff your pants its the Six Nations!!!

The Six nations are upon us
“This is it this time I know it’s the real thing!” that’s what Dannii Minogue said in her top ten hit of 1993. I think the stupid cow was talking about a man but I am sure the sub text pointed to the start of what was the five nations. The man she was singing about probably kicked her into touch probably because he had shagged her already and the mental bitch was singing a song about him and Dannii moved on to hot singles like…er…..all I want to do…er anyway whilst this was happening the 5 nations evolved into the six nations when the pasta guzzling excessive gesture monkeys the Italians joined the Party.

In their infinite wisdom the twats in the governing body decided to place the away trip to Italy for Wales in the same season as the away trips to Scotland and France, two of our favourite trips leaving us to try and decide to go to Dublin, the rudest city since Paris circa 1940 when they accidently let in 5 divisions of Germans and sullenly let them stay for 4 or so years or Twickenham the place that closes at 9 at night so international night is spent on an underground. What next Sunday internationals……..

But forget the whinging for a bit – its nearly time for the Six Nations!

The Six Nations – already there is a tightening in the stomach in anticipation of the teams, the games, the friends and the seshes – it is what a real mans life is about. This year we have the added excitement of it being a 6 nations in a World cup year so our hard-ons are that little bit harder. So what do we expect from the teams in the six nations. I wont comment on Wales but will look at the others

England
As much as I want imperialist pigdogs to eat muck, I think they may be the surprise package. For us (As in the entire human race) we collected a lot of money for the RFU to keep Robinson on but still they get rid of him. Ashton will refresh this English team and I think they will play well. I am also gutted that Robinson and Catt are back – they are great players. It was these great players who snuffed us out in the battle of Brisbane quarter final 2003. I wouldn’t call Lewsey old guard as I think he would make a great English captain (if I was English). People write them off but they did beat South Africa and that’s something we havent done for a whil

Ireland
If I was Ireland I would get a big fuck off saw and cut away Dublin and float in into the sea. The bad side of this would be that it might float towards Wales so we would have to buy a big fuck of stick and push it away towards other places which are pretentious and up their own arses. I have seen more Craic at the top of Tews arse. Anyway this team is awesome but I think is hit really badly by Horgan being injured, he really is a monster. Even though it has taken him about 30 years, I think that O Gara is playing really well and Stringer is consistent but I think that Boss is a much better scrum half. The backs are great even though Hickie looks like an Alchi. BOD is amazing and love watching him play because everyone thinks he is a nice bloke when secretly he is a right cunt and is so competitive. On the form in the autumn series these bois should do it. I would have loved to have seen Ireland play the Kiwis on a shitty day in Dublin. Even if they won I bet the Irish team wouldn’t have been allowed into pubs in groups of more than 2 – and then get charged a fucking fortune for a pint of shit that tastes exactly the same as the one you get from down your local pubs. Pull your heads from your arse – it does travel!

France
Uber clichéd I know but which team will turn up? Will it be the shiny cheesy mercurial warriors or a set of fat shits intent on fighting. Whatever I say about them they will do the exact opposite like Neil. They will be under pressure because its their world cup in the autumn and I think their coach who looks very much like snakey Sheldon has used about 300 players last year and that was just at fly half. Italy will scare the shite out of them on Saturday.

Scotland
I bluddi does do love Scotland – the finest trip in the six nations. Where the bouncers let you do whatever you want except sleep. The Jockinese are great – god bless ‘em
They have to admit that they performed way above themselves and their own expectations. Beating England and France was fantastic for them and if they hadn’t had a man sent off and we hadn’t have had Gareth Thomas they would have had us as well. They will miss Jason White who is a cracking player but they still have the likes of Chris Paterson and Simon Taylor who are class. They also have the Krankies and Russ Abbott in a ginger wig. The six nations needs a good Scotland team and I wish the Scottish regions would start to get their act together. I mean what is the fucking point of Edinburgh playing in a 55 thousand seater stadium in front of 4000??? Why not play in a 4000 seater and have some atmosphere – plums. I think Frank Hadden is a great coach and can and will have to work miracles.

Italy
Havent been on tour to Rome but have been there quite a few times and I like it. Cant drive and cant win wars but is starting to build a quality side under le petit General (no, not my cock) Pierre Berbizier. Their pack are quality and it is generally accepted that in Castrogiavanni they have one of the best props in the world. In the autumn internationals they pushed Argentina and Australia and we cant forget that last year when we six nation champions and playing at home we managed a draw!!! They need consistent and talented half backs to control things like they had with Dominguez and Troncon who is back in the squad.

So that’s the teams – I haven’t the vocabulary to express how excited I am and you should be to (well some of you…for many of you its business as usual but that’s because you don’t have lives or mates anymore you boring twats – honestly just because you enjoyed a few lagers and snogged a bird in 1993 at Uni doesn’t mean your Olly Reed, really you have missed out on loads of fun – but no worries at least you afforded those new curtains).

While some of the chickens are in Scotland while the others are in France we are also going to have the mother of sashes the weekend of the Wales England match. contact me in order to tell me if you are attending this petit soiree. People are up for it and we might even get an appearance off one of our glorious founders the rotund gwar Cock (eral). It is an official cap so I expect the regulars like that fat lipped Jew, the perverted cow fingerer and the champagne didi do from Bedrock but I also expect all the bois. It will be the last one for a while.

The Six Nations are here and it is time for the gathering, lets get ready to rumble!!!

The Rooster is out saturday and Sunday - any takers?