The mighty battle of Carmarthen

Its Monday so we need cheering up so I will tell you a rugby related story that could give you as much pleasure as it has me over the years.

I have a friend..lets call him…..Horgan Mart…ingenious because that’s not his real name, I just made that up.
Anyway this happened back in the annals of time. It was 1990 the start of Desert Storm, the non retarded Bush was in the White house, pointy faced destroyer of all, Maggie Thatcher was actually out out out replaced by John Major who won the pull a pig competition by having Edwina Currie and the music scene was starting to look a little promising.

A Canadian school had come over to play Fishguard secondary school at rugby. Its not called Secondary school anymore obviously because the Americans have much better names for schools and it is called Fishguard high school. What a complete load of shit – next they’ll want us to call crisps – chips and chips fries unless they beg to become part of the commonwealth again and we can sort out this stupid tipping business of theirs (oh your boss isn’t paying you enough? Please let me pay you extra for doing your job so your boss can get cheap labour). Anyway as Fishguard people were hosting the teams they all decided to get a bus and go on the piss to Carmarthen which is 40 miles away.

For anybody from outside the ancient kingdom of Dyfed, these names won’t mean much to you. Little explanation – Fishguard is a sleepy seaside town with a ferry that goes to Ireland. It’s now rough as fuck but still a good place on the beer – there are no jobs but middle class arty types from England still want to open art studios there. Carmarthen is hole populated with people who have mullets, shit teeth, stone washed skin tight jeans and shiny white trainers, prostitution was wiped out there during the 90s when the professional women had to move on to newer areas as the local screeching harridans had been giving it away for free.

Carmarthen people unused to outsiders and the sight of a bus (they called it the iron horse and to this day tell their kids about the time it came into town) were very angry that the Fishguard people and Canadians had come into town, drank their drinks and kissed their women. A mighty fight ensued involving all parties and by the end there were even cases of Canadians fighting Fishguard people.

It was a battle to awaken the Gods from their slumber but bit by bit fights turned to scuffles and scuffles turned to squaring up and bit by bit Fishguard people and Canadians got back on the bus. Horgan Mart breaks away from is battle royale and returns to the iron horse

Fishguard boy on bus: Horgan! How did you get on? I saw you getting stuck in.
Horgan Mart: Yes I hammered him – long haired twat was screaming by the end of it
Horgan sits down and the next one gets on the bus.
Fishguard boy on bus: How did you get on?
New boy on bus: fine but did you see Horgan beat up that girl……………….