A Little bit of disappointment by Old Father Time

A little bit of disappointment…

Arose at 0600 hrs. Threw the horsehair blankets off. Good fart. Scratch of the balls. 20 press-ups. 20 squats. 20 star jumps. Then leapfrog with the missus for 20 minutes. Folded my pyjamas. Hung up my dressing gown and nightcap. Slippers under the bed. Empty the pot.
Strip wash in cold water, with coal-tar soap. Talcum. A good lather up with the shaving brush, stropped the razor, then a good hot, wet-shave, applying some balsam.
Nice cup of hot water and some salted porridge for breakfast.
Made sure my string underpants were clean and ironed.
Then checked the stitching on my leather boots, making sure that they wouldn’t be too tight around the calf, and a liberal application of warm dubbin.
Then to starch my rugger shorts (funny how the pockets were still stitched up – by grandma, before she passed away in 1977, poor dear).
Quick check to make sure I had my second set of false teeth.
Checked my hair, ensuring a straight parting. Sufficient application of Brylcreem.
Spare metal studs? Check! Wintergreen? Check? Elastoplast? Check! Picture of my mummy? Check! 20 Woodbines for the touchlines? Check! Woollen gloves? Check!
Right, I was ready.

Got to Newport in good time (before anyone else, as a matter of fact).

Such disappointment to find that the game had been cancelled due to a waterlogged pitch. Tell that to the fusiliers in the trenches. Game wouldn’t have been cancelled during the war, I can tell you! I remember when the whistle went and we all came out and shook hands and had a game of football. Ah, those were the days (sigh!)!

So to drinking then. Saw a lot of familiar as well as not-so-familiar faces.
Uncle Fester and Lurch Thug and his bodyguard turned up. Thug said he’d lost two stone. I reckon that was due to having the bottom half of his legs chopped off (or have they always been that short?)!
Euron still lashed up after the previous night’s edification.
Ski threatening to chuck up any second. Then he got his second wind and noticed the top shelf of the bar.
Hardly any of the opposition turned up (perhaps confident of a good performance of rugby, but obviously not so confident about their performance at the bar).
Nice presentation of a shirt to Fergs by Newport Uni, accompanied with our rendition of Zulu, of which the Welch Regiment would have been very proud. Then plenty of man love.

Then off to Cardiff on the love bus. Bit too much for me, I’m afraid. Was running on a full colostomy and had to drain the surplus into a half glass. With my cock.

Came off the bus in Cardiff, and then off to the Tavistock.
Then it all went a bit strange. In fact I think I disappeared! Came-to in Kiwis.
Anybody know what happened to me between me leaving the pub and getting into Kiwis?
Did I eat anything?
Did I see the Wales game?

Nunny

PS Game will have to be rescheduled. Otherwise my leather boots will get hard and crack up.